You know what really annoys me about modern self-improvement culture? It's this endless «be the best», «reach the max», «unleash your potential 100%». You open Instagram – someone has already run a marathon before breakfast. You check LinkedIn – a guy launched his third startup, learned Japanese, and wrote a book. And you're sitting there with a cup of coffee you're reheating in the microwave for the third time, thinking: «What is wrong with me»?
Nothing. I'm fine. And so are you.
For several years now, I've been living with a thought that initially seemed like some kind of surrender to me, but later started to feel like liberation: sometimes being average is absolutely normal. Moreover, it can be a conscious choice, not a sign of laziness or a lack of ambition.
The Cult of Exceptionalism and its toll on us
The Cult of Exceptionalism (And Why It Wears Us Out)
Let's be honest: we live in an era obsessed with achievement. Social networks have turned into an endless feed of other people's victories, where every second post is either «10 ways to triple your productivity», or a photo from the summit of Kilimanjaro. Algorithms show us the brightest, the most outstanding, the most incredible – and create the illusion that everyone around is living at the max, while you alone are stuck in gray mundanity.
Psychologists call this the «distorted comparison effect». We compare our ordinary lives with carefully edited moments of someone else's success. It's like comparing your rough draft to a published book – a losing contest from the start.
I remember a couple of years ago I fell into this trap completely. I decided I had to be productive in everything simultaneously: write a book, run a blog, learn Spanish, go to the gym five times a week, read a book a week, meditate every morning. You know how it ended? Burnout. Classic, textbook burnout, where even opening a laptop becomes physically difficult.
I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, thinking: «Why can't I be like those people in the motivational videos»? And then it hit me: maybe I don't need to?
The Math of Mediocrity: Comfort in statistics
The Math of Mediocrity (Which Is Surprisingly Comforting)
Here's what's interesting: by definition, most of us are average. This isn't an insult, it's statistics. Take any skill or quality and distribute people along a scale – you get a normal distribution, that bell curve from statistics textbooks. The majority will end up somewhere in the middle, and only a small percentage at the edges.
This means a simple thing: it is impossible to be outstanding in everything. Physically impossible. Even if you're a genius at programming, most likely you're an average cook, an average dancer, and an average gardener. And that is absolutely normal.
Mark Manson writes about this very aptly in his book «The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck»: we live in a culture that instills in us that we must be special. But the paradox is that the desire to be special in everything makes us unhappy because we constantly compare ourselves to those who are better than us in specific areas.
I'm not calling for giving up on ambitions. But there is a huge difference between «I want to be good at what is actually important to me» and «I want to be the best at everything that exists».
When «Average» Is a Strategy, Not a Defeat
After that burnout, I started rethinking my approach. And I realized: I don't need to be the best writer on the planet. It's enough for me to write well enough so that people read and find something for themselves in it. I don't need to squeeze a masterpiece out of myself every day – I need to write regularly and sincerely.
This freed up an incredible amount of energy. I stopped wasting hours on perfectionist editing of every sentence. I allowed myself to publish texts that were simply «good», not «genius». And you know what? Nobody noticed the difference. Or rather, they did – they started saying the texts became livelier and more honest.
Economists and business strategists have known this thing for a long time: the Pareto principle, or the 80/20 rule. Roughly 80% of results come from 20% of efforts. The remaining 80% of efforts provide only 20% improvement. And so sometimes it makes sense to stop at the first 80% and not chase the remaining 20%.
Imagine: you're cooking dinner. You can spend an hour and make a perfectly decent dish that everyone will like. Or you can spend five hours, buy exotic ingredients, study the technology of molecular cuisine – and end up with a dish that will only be slightly tastier. If you aren't a professional chef and aren't participating in a contest, those extra four hours could likely have been spent better.
This is where being average is a conscious strategy. You choose areas where it is enough to be «good enough», to save energy for what is truly important.
When being average is a productive strategy
Zones Where You Can Relax (And That's Normal)
After that, I made a list of things for myself in which it is enough for me to be average. And it was surprisingly liberating.
Appearance. I won't look like a cover model – and that's normal. I will look tidy, clean, decent. I don't need perfect abs, I need health and comfort in my own body.
Cooking. I cook perfectly edible food. Sometimes even tasty. But I won't become a chef, and my crepes will always be a bit crooked. And you know what? They are delicious anyway.
Sports. I won't win a marathon. I won't even run it faster than most. But I can run my five kilometers in the park, and that is enough to feel good.
Social networks. My Instagram will never become perfectly retouched. The photos are so-so, the composition is mediocre. But this is real life, not a glossy magazine.
This doesn't mean I gave up on everything. It means I stopped chasing the ideal where I don't need it. And my resources were freed up – time, energy, internal space – for what is truly important: writing, relationships, learning things that genuinely fascinate me.
Areas where it's okay to relax your efforts
The Trap of Perfectionism (Personal Experience)
You know what's most insidious about perfectionism? It disguises itself as a striving for quality, but often turns out to be just a fear of not being the best. A fear that if you aren't perfect, then you're worthless. As if there are only two states: the best or the worst.
I spent several years in this trap. I put off publishing texts because they were «not good enough». I didn't start projects because I was afraid I wouldn't do them perfectly. And in the end, what? I did nothing. At all.
The paradox of perfectionism is that it doesn't make us better – it makes us paralyzed. After all, the ideal is unattainable by definition, which means there will always be a reason not to start, not to finish, not to show the world what you're doing.
Psychologists call this «perfectionist procrastination»: you procrastinate not out of laziness, but out of fear that the result will not be good enough. And you know what helped me get out of this trap? The permission to be average.
I started publishing texts that were just «normal». Launching projects that were «good enough». And magic happened: the more «average» things I did, the better I got. Because practice only works when you practice, not when you wait for an epiphany to create a masterpiece.
The Science of «Good Enough»
In economics and decision theory, there is a concept – «satisficing». It was proposed by Herbert Simon, and he received a Nobel Prize for this idea. The essence is simple: instead of looking for the optimal solution (which is often impossible or requires huge expenditures of time), we look for a solution that is «good enough».
This isn't about laziness. It's about rationality. Our brain is limited in processing information. Our time is limited. Our energy is limited. And given these limitations, it is often wiser to choose «good» rather than «perfect».
Imagine you are looking for an apartment. You can spend a year, view thousands of options, and find the perfect one that meets all criteria. Or you can find an apartment that fits 80% and move in a month later. In the year you save, this «imperfect» apartment can become a home full of warm memories. What is more important – the perfect layout or a year of life?
This applies to everything: choosing a profession, a partner, a hobby, a way to spend the weekend. We can endlessly search for the best option, or we can choose «good enough» and start living.
The Trap of Perfectionism: A personal story
How to Accept Your Averageness (Without the Drama)
It sounds paradoxical, but admitting your averageness requires courage. Because it goes against what is instilled in us: social networks, motivational gurus, school, which ranks us from the first grade.
Here is what helped me:
First, an honest inventory. I sat down and wrote out all the spheres of my life: career, health, relationships, hobbies, finances, appearance, creativity. And then I honestly noted: where do I want to be outstanding? And where is it enough for me to be «normal»?
It turned out that I want to be outstanding in a maximum of two or three areas. In writing – yes. In relationships with loved ones – definitely. Maybe also in understanding human psychology. Everything else? I am calm about being average.
Second, reviewing success criteria. I stopped comparing myself to the best in every field. Instead, I asked: is this sufficient for my life? Does my physical shape allow me to live the way I want? Yes. Then why do I need a bodybuilder's body?
Third, gratitude for the «ordinary». Trite, but it works. I started noticing how much good is in my average, ordinary life. There is a job I like. Friends I can talk to. A home where it is warm and cozy. All these are very ordinary things. And they make me happy.
The Science of "Good Enough" choices
Growth Zones vs. Comfort Zones (And Why It's Important to Distinguish Them)
An important disclaimer: being average doesn't mean not developing at all. It means being selective about where to invest growth energy.
There are areas where I don't want to be average. In writing, I continue to learn, experiment, find my voice. In understanding people – I read psychology, observe, analyze. These are my «growth zones», where I am ready to make mistakes, tolerate failure, experience discomfort – because it is important.
But there are areas where I am quite content with my average level. And that is also normal. Moreover, it is necessary. Because if you try to grow everywhere, you won't grow anywhere. Energy spreads in a thin layer, and there just isn't enough of it for truly significant things.
It's like with investments: diversification is good, but if you invest a dollar in a thousand stocks, you won't become rich. Sometimes you need to concentrate on what can truly bring a return.
How to embrace your averageness without drama
Averageness as a Form of Resilience
You know what I noticed? People who try to be perfect in everything often turn out to be very fragile. The slightest failure seems like a catastrophe to them. Because their self-esteem is tied to the idea of their own exceptionalism.
But when you accept that in most things you are average, you become more resilient. Ruined dinner? So what, I'm not claiming the title of chef. Ran slower than usual? Okay, I'm not an Olympic champion. Flunked a presentation? Unpleasant, but it doesn't make me worthless – I am good in other areas.
This is «psychological flexibility» – the ability not to crumble from imperfection because you didn't expect perfection from yourself in everything anyway.
I recall myself during the period of maximum perfectionism: any criticism felt like a personal attack, any mistake – a proof of my own incompetence. It was exhausting. Now that I've accepted my averageness, living has become easier. I can make mistakes and not fall apart from it.
What Remains When You Stop Chasing the «Best»
The most interesting thing began later. When I stopped trying to be outstanding in everything, something valuable appeared: time and space to simply live.
I started noticing sunsets. Not for an Instagram photo, but simply because they are beautiful. I started reading books not to close a plan of 50 books a year, but because the story captures me. I started hanging out with friends not for networking, but because I like being with them.
It sounds like a cliché from a motivational calendar, but the truth is this: when you stop constantly evaluating yourself and comparing yourself to others, you begin to actually live your life, not collect achievements.
I remember a conversation with a friend who works at a large IT company. He was saying how he spent the weekend: just lay at home, watched a series, ordered pizza. And he felt guilty because he «didn't spend the time productively». I asked: «But did you feel good»? He thought about it: «Yes. I rested and recharged». – «Well, wasn't that the goal of the weekend, isn't it»?
We are so used to evaluating everything through the prism of productivity that we forgot: sometimes just having a good time is already an achievement.
Growth zones vs. comfort zones: A crucial distinction
Practical Averageness (What to Do Right Now)
If you've read to this point and are thinking: «Okay, sounds not bad, but what do I do with this?» – here are a few ideas.
Take a sheet of paper (or open notes on your phone, I'm not a judge). Divide it into three columns.
First column – «I want to be the best». Write a maximum of three areas here where you truly want to grow and reach heights. Not because you «have to», but because it is personally important to you. For me, it is writing, relationships, and understanding myself.
Second column – «I want to be good». These are things important for quality of life but not requiring outstanding results. Health (not a cover body, but simply feeling good), finances (not millions, but stability), household skills (cooking, cleaning – at the level of «sufficient»).
Third column – «I can be average». Everything else. Appearance, sports (if not in the first two columns), hobbies «for the box checking», skills that you don't need professionally.
Now look at the third column. This is your zone of freedom. Here you can relax. Here you don't need to strive for perfection. Here you can be an ordinary person who sometimes makes mistakes, gets lazy, chooses the easy path – and that is normal.
And invest the energy you save by stopping self-improvement in the third column into the first one. Where it really matters.
Averageness as a form of personal resilience
In Conclusion (Or Why This Isn't Surrender)
Someone might read all this and think: «So this is a call to mediocrity! To achieving nothing»!
No. Not at all.
It is about honesty with yourself: where do you want to be outstanding, and where is it enough for you to be simply good. It is about stopping the waste of energy on the race for the ideal where you don't need it. It is about choosing a few areas for real growth instead of smearing yourself in a thin layer across all directions at once.
The happiest people I know aren't the ones who are the best at everything. But the ones who understood what they want to be the best in, and allowed themselves to be ordinary in everything else.
I still get up at eight in the morning, not five. My crepes are still crooked. My Spanish is at the level of «can order coffee but not sustain a conversation». And you know what? I am absolutely okay with that. Because my energy goes where it is truly needed: into the texts you are reading right now, into conversations with people I love, into attempts to understand how this strange thing called human life works.
Being average is not a life sentence. It is a choice. And sometimes it is the wisest choice one can make.
