Spoiler tolerance
Self-awareness
Expressiveness
Okay, let's be real: you bought «The Silmarillion» after watching «The Lord of the Rings,» opened the first page, saw AINULINDALË – and closed the book forever? CONGRATULATIONS, you're in the club! 🎉 There are millions of us all over the world, and there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Because this book is NOT A BOOK in the usual sense. It's a TRIAL. It's a quest. It's the FINAL BOSS of all fantasy literature!
Who did Tolkien even write THIS for?!
Spoiler: NOT FOR US! Seriously, when Professor Tolkien spent decades slaving over his notes on the First Age of Middle-earth, he WASN'T THINKING about readers. He was creating a MYTHOLOGY. A WHOLE MYTHOLOGY FROM SCRATCH! Imagine: one man decided to single-handedly write ALL of Greek mythology, Norse sagas AND the Bible – all at once. THAT is «The Silmarillion»!
Tolkien started work on these stories STILL IN THE TRENCHES of the First World War. IN THE TRENCHES, CARL! While his comrades were dying from gas attacks, he was figuring out how Fëanor forges the Silmarils. And you know what? He wrote it FOR HIMSELF. For his inner perfectionist-linguist who couldn't sleep soundly without inventing the full history of EVERY Elvish word.
For DECADES, publishers begged him to finish the sequel to «The Hobbit.» And what did he do? He sent them drafts of «The Silmarillion»! Can you imagine the editor's face, waiting for a cute tale about hobbits, and getting a COSMOGONIC EPIC in Elvish? The publisher «Allen & Unwin» politely refused to publish this madness during the author's lifetime. AND THEY WERE RIGHT TO DO SO!
Why this book is so HARD (and why that's okay)
Here's a fun fact: even Christopher Tolkien, the professor's son, who spent HIS ENTIRE LIFE sorting through his father's notes, admitted that he doesn't FULLY understand some parts of «The Silmarillion»! And this is a man who LITERALLY grew up among these stories!
Problem number one: NAMES. Oh my god, those names! Finrod Felagund, also known as Nóm, also known as the Wise, also known as Friend of Men. Elrond Half-elven, son of Eärendil, grandson of Tuor and Idril, great-grandson of Turgon… STOP! Are you lost already? I TOTALLY get you! Every character has at least three names, two genealogies, and four spelling variants. This isn't a book, it's a DATABASE!
Problem number two: narrative structure. Forget everything you know about modern literature! No main character. No single plot line. No «and meanwhile in another part of Middle-earth.» «The Silmarillion» is a collection of legends that jump across centuries like a kangaroo on energy drinks. In one paragraph, an elf is born, in the next – he's already a thousand-year-old king, and a page later – a corpse. AND THIS IS ALL NORMAL!
Tolkien wrote in the style of ancient epics. You don't complain that the «Iliad» has too many names of Greek warriors, do you? Well, «The Silmarillion» is the same «Iliad,» only about elves. AND WITH DRAGONS. And with talking dogs the size of horses. And with spider-gods. AND WITH… Okay, it's actually WAY COOLER than the «Iliad»!
How to read this beautiful torture (a survival guide)
ATTENTION: I'm about to give you the advice that saved my sanity and helped me finish this book! Use at your own risk!
Tip one: SKIP STUFF!
Yes, yes, you read that right! Can't handle the Ainulindalë with its music of creation? SKIP IT! Jump straight to the chapter about Fëanor and the Silmarils. It's like watching «Game of Thrones» from the third season – some things will be unclear, but you'll get the GIST!
Does the Valaquenta with its descriptions of all the Valar make you want to burn the book? KEEP FLIPPING! Come back to them later, once you're hooked. Or don't – and THAT'S ALSO NORMAL! I still don't remember how Tulkas is different from Oromë, and I LIVE WITH THAT!
Tip two: read it like a TV series!
Each chapter of «The Silmarillion» is a separate episode. Don't try to swallow it all in one go! Read about Beren and Lúthien? STOP! Let your brain digest it. Google some fanart (it's GORGEOUS). Read some fan theories. Then return to the next chapter.
Speaking of Beren and Lúthien – that's the BEST story in the entire «The Silmarillion»! If you only read up to that point and then quit – you're ALREADY A WINNER! It's like «Romeo and Juliet,» only Juliet sings so beautifully that the Dark Lord falls asleep, and Romeo chops off the villain's hand and steals a jewel from his crown. SHAKESPEARE EATS HIS HEART OUT!
Tip three: WIKIPEDIA – your best friend!
Confused about who is whose brother, son, and traitor? GOOGLE IT! There are entire Tolkien wiki sites where every character's life is broken down minute by minute. Don't be shy about using them! It's not cheating, it's SURVIVAL!
I literally read «The Silmarillion» with my phone in my hand. Saw a new name – straight to the wiki. «Ah, so that's the elf who later betrays everyone and dies a horrible death? Okay, good to know!» Spoilers? What spoilers, when you don't understand ANYTHING anyway!
Tip four: find YOUR story!
«The Silmarillion» has stories for EVERY taste! Love tragedies? Here you go, The Children of Húrin – so depressing it makes «Hamlet» look like a comedy! Like love stories? Beren and Lúthien at your service! Want action? The story of Fëanor and his sons is basically NON-STOP CARNAGE for five hundred pages!
My favorite story is about Finrod and Bëor. Imagine: an immortal Elven prince meets the first Men in Middle-earth and what does he do? HE SINGS WITH THEM AROUND A CAMPFIRE! And becomes their best friend! And then dies fighting a werewolf to save a Man. If that's not friendship, then I don't know WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS AT ALL!
Why fans go CRAZY over this book
Okay, now for the main event: why are Tolkienists ready to KILL for «The Silmarillion»? Why do they quote it like the Bible? Why do arguments about whether Fëanor was right destroy friendships and marriages?
BECAUSE IT'S A DRUG! Seriously, when you finally fight your way through all those names and genealogies, when you start to understand the connections between the characters, when you grasp the SCALE of the tragedy of the First Age – you will NEVER be the same again!
You think «The Lord of the Rings» is epic? HA! The War of the Ring is a CHILDREN'S SANDBOX compared to the War of Wrath! In «The Lord of the Rings» there was one Balrog, and everyone almost died of fear? In «The Silmarillion,» Balrogs run in PACKS! Sauron isn't even the main villain there, just the main villain's LACKEY!
Morgoth, the first Dark Lord, does things that would make Sauron CRY WITH ENVY. He STOLE THE SUN AND THE MOON! Well, he would have stolen them if they existed, but they hadn't been created yet because he had already DESTROYED THE TWO SACRED TREES that lit the world! He created DRAGONS! He corrupted elves and turned them into ORCS! He… Anyway, Sauron compared to him is an INTERN on probation!
Elysium for perfectionists, hell for regular people
You know what the main problem with «The Silmarillion» is? It's TOO PERFECT. Tolkien perfected EVERY detail to absolute perfection. Every name has meaning in THREE languages. Every river flows in a geographically correct way. Every star appears in the sky at an astronomically precise time.
This is a book written by an Oxford linguistics professor who studied Old English, Old Norse, Finnish, Welsh, and a dozen other languages. Who knew ALL of European mythology by heart. Who drew maps of his world with the precision of a CARTOGRAPHER!
And this genius decided to dump ALL his knowledge into one book! Imagine you go to a restaurant to order a burger, and they bring you MOLECULAR GASTRONOMY from a three-Michelin-star chef. It's kind of tasty, but COMPLICATE-ED-ED!
And now for the main question: WILL THERE BE A MOVIE?!
AHAHAHAHA! 😂 Sorry, I just can't help it! A movie based on «The Silmarillion»? SERIOUSLY?!
Okay, let's look at the facts. The rights to «The Silmarillion» STILL belong to Tolkien's estate. And they guard them like Fëanor guarded his Silmarils! Christopher Tolkien, the professor's son, refused to sell the rights until his death in 2020. He saw what Peter Jackson did with «The Hobbit» (stretched a small book into three movies) and said: «NO. NEVER. OVER MY DEAD BODY!»
But even if the rights are ever sold… HOW DO YOU FILM THIS?! It's not a story, it's an ENCYCLOPEDIA! It's like making a movie based on a history textbook! «Starring: Chris Hemsworth as Fëanor, Scarlett Johansson as Galadriel, and another FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY characters with unpronounceable names!»
No, seriously, imagine the pitch to producers: «So, we have the main character Fëanor, he creates three jewels, then dies in the first third of the movie. Then his seven sons become the main characters, six of whom die horrible deaths. Parallel to this is the story of Beren and Lúthien, but they die too. And Túrin and Niënor, who… also die. And basically everyone dies. In the end, the gods come and break the continent. The end. Budget? A billion dollars – minimum.»
Although wait… Amazon is making the «Rings of Power» series! Maybe they'll get to «The Silmarillion» too? NO! They only have the rights to the appendices to «The Lord of the Rings»! They can use names and general events, but they can't directly adapt stories from «The Silmarillion»! It's like filming «Harry Potter» only having the rights to «The Tales of Beedle the Bard»!
Why I still ADORE this book
After everything I've written here, you probably think I hate «The Silmarillion»? NO! I ADORE IT! But it's the same kind of love as for VERY SPICY food – it hurts, tears are streaming, but it's IMPOSSIBLE to stop!
«The Silmarillion» is not light reading. It's an EXPERIENCE. It's like hiking in the mountains – hard, painful, you want to give up at every step, but when you reach the summit… OH MY GOD, WHAT A VIEW!
When you finally understand why Elrond wears the ring Vilya, why Galadriel is so powerful, why Aragorn can become king – it's like assembling a MILLION-PIECE puzzle! You watch «The Lord of the Rings» and you see NOT JUST pretty elves, but descendants of those who saw the light of the Trees! You understand why they are so sad – they remember what the world was like BEFORE!
And you know what's the coolest thing? Tolkien created a world that exists INDEPENDENTLY of the reader. Other authors write FOR US. Tolkien wrote a world that WOULD BE there without us. Middle-earth doesn't need our approval. It just IS. And that is its GREATNESS!
So, to read or not to read?
If you've read my article this far – READ IT! Seriously, if you endured my stream of consciousness for almost fifteen hundred words, then you can HANDLE «The Silmarillion»!
But read it the RIGHT WAY. Not like a regular book. Read it like an ANCIENT EPIC found by chance in an attic. Like a message from another world. Like a story that WAS, IS, AND WILL BE, regardless of whether you read it or not.
And remember: NO ONE, NO ONE reads «The Silmarillion» on the first try! It's a book you RETURN TO. Again and again. Discovering something new every time. Understanding a little more each time. Falling in love a little harder each time.
And if it doesn't work out – well, whatever! Watch «The Lord of the Rings» again. It won't get worse because of it. But if it does work out… WELCOME TO THE SURVIVORS' CLUB! We're all a bit… you know… here, but we know how to correctly pronounce 'Ecthelion of the Fountain'!
P.S. And we even have a SECRET HANDSHAKE. But that's a WHOLE OTHER story! 😉
